I miss my Dad. So much. I’m not talking about my biological dad, or the step-dad I have now. I’m talking about the dad who was their for 10/16 of my life. I miss how safe he made me feel. And I heard my mom saying she misses him. I hope they can get remarried. I hope that we don’t have to leave Addison. I hope my mom is happier with that dad than my step-dad. Because Daddy honestly cared about us, and our family. And though he would yell, he always apologized, and made it up to us. And he’d sing me lullabies and watch anime with me. And he would wake up early on Saturdays, just to make me a huge breakfast with things I love like toast with strawberry jam. And no matter where he was, if I said I needed him, he’d be there in ten minutes, without yelling at me or asking questions. And he would bring me to the library every week. And we would watch Jet Li movies while eating mole negro. And we’d play video games together and he’d let me win sometimes because I would feel bad if I didn’t.
He was supposed to teach me how to drive a car, and he was supposed to be there to meet my first boyfriend. And he was supposed to be there the first time I got my heart broken, and on the first day of high school. He was supposed to bring me to go pick out a prom dress, and to help me throw a big sweet sixteen. And most of all, he was supposed to walk me down the aisle when I got married. But he can’t do those things anymore. Nobody can. And nobody could even be half the father that he was. I wish he didn’t live in vegas. I wish he wasn’t so far away. I wish they never got divorced. I feel so all alone.
My close friend’s ex-boyfriend, who she loved dearly, has been hitting on me for the past two weeks. His little brother has been hitting on me for the past week. The older brother is a senior and the younger one a sophomore. They both have girlfriends, and they don’t know the other likes me too. But as good-looking as they may be, I haven’t flirted back. I tell them, “You may not have to behave, but I do.” And I tell them that I won’t encourage cheating. Because I know what it’s like. And I know how it hurts. And I know how much self-confidence you lose. And I would never want anyone, no matter how mean or impolite, to feel the things that I felt. And I feel that if more girls did what I did, nobody would be cheated on. And nobody would hurt. Nobody would lose their confidence. And nobody would feel the things that I felt.
My mom told me I was chubby. As a result, I haven’t been eating correctly for the past week. Which is why I lost those pounds so quickly. Don’t feel bad for me. I’m happy this way.
I’ve just about had it up to here with you. Keep in mind that I’m not one to easily get aggravated. I’m not one to judge or label people. But you’ve gone too far. Don’t give me that “my parent’s think I’m a devil child and nobody cares for me” bullshit, alright? You have a family that loves you, I know they do. They wouldn’t put up with your ignorant bullshit if they didn’t. And you have a boyfriend who can get ass from pretty much any girl in school. But he chose you. Which means there has to be something worth liking about you and somebody who gives a damn.
Now there’s a fine line between expressing yourself and a desperate cry for attention, and I have reason to believe you are the latter. All you do is patronize people. You say that nobody cares about you, because everyone in the entire god damn world is SO absolutely selfish and cares only 100% about themselves. Then, you YELL at people for not caring. And I’m extremely offended. People always told me when I was growing up that I was a stupid girl, putting everyone else’s feelings before my own, even a strangers. And for a long time, I hated that. I wished I could learn to take care of myself before others. But it’s not like I can go around telling people to shut up when I’m mad or to stay when I miss them. I can’t even directly tell you to your face, because I don’t want you to be hurt by my words. An ignorant girl like you, and I still care. So don’t ever tell me that nobody cares. Don’t ever tell me that there’s no hope for humanity. That’s fucking bullshit. All we have is hope. End of discussion.
Times are rough for artists.
because I don’t feel I deserve to.
You would know that if you listened.
So much for close friends.
I’m ordering this wall decal. They’re available here: http://dalidecals.com/Keep-Calm-and-Carry-On-Wall-Decal-Sticker-Graphic.html
—Boats and Birds